Thursday, April 19, 2007

Confessions of a hardcore gamer


Success through good judgment.
Good judgment through experience.
Experience through bad judgment.


I recently wrote an article based on the dangers of gaming addiction, for it has been my life’s experience as a victim of its tantalizing, yet draining, embrace.

As I thought about it longer though, in order to fully appreciate my article, one has to know of my personal experiences with games, and why I feel compelled to advise such caution with them.

When I was 10 years old, dad bought me a Sega Megadrive II, first game being Alex Kidd in Miracle World. I loved it. I woke up in the middle of the night secretly to play it, which became a consistently more frequent practice.

Throughout the following years, I traveled along a thin line bordering both rebellious adolescence and strict disciplined educational practices. A tenuous pact, held between my ever watchful family and the devilish attraction of games.

The constant tug-of-war finally chose a winning side after my pursuit of independence at the age of 18. Left alone to my devices, without the aid of my mentors, the games ripped at my soul with masochistic abandon. Over the course of the next 4 years, I indulged completely in various titles such as Counter Strike, Star Craft, and Warcraft III with the help of various internet cafes; all whilst keeping my family at an arm’s length, using every lie in the book to assure them I was attending university. Over this time, I developed some extremely poor habits :

- Sleeping around 9am, waking up roughly around 6pm.
- Relying completely on soft drinks for my fluid supplement.
- Skipping my university classes.
- Spending virtually all of my time in the internet cafes.
- Meeting friends who weren’t any better off than me.
- I used all the money dad sent me from overseas, to pay for my rent, food, and internet café bills.
- I became hostile to anyone who questioned my habits.

As a result, this put particular strain on my family relationships and personal friendships. I stopped communicating with my original close friends, and became very irritable and moody. My physique was an absolute mess; fast foods containing excessive grease and fats allowed me to reach my lifetime's highest weight : 96 kilos (211 pounds) at a height of 170cm.

2005 was the year I was introduced to the World of Warcraft. This game has been rated by some as the most addictive game in history.. and has been THE reason for the rise in MMORPGs on the market today. For someone like me, who was already afflicted harshly by an addiction to games, this was the icing on the cake granted personally by the devil. A terrible bliss for my soul. I damned everything I had left to my complete indulgence in an artificial universe in which I was accepted as opposed to the reality in which I had personally destroyed at the same time.

And so the situation came to be :

- 1 meal a day, usually KFC, Mcdonalds or pizza.
- Soft drink as my liquid nourishment.
- Playing 12 – 14 hours a day, sleeping during the day. .

My health was absolutely appalling by this point. As well as that, due to my addiction, I had also lost my job. I still had savings, but I used them on paying for more playtime in
The World of Warcraft account and internet café bills rather than for essentials like toilet paper! Eventually, I was completely broke, and I could barely afford to pay for haircut. Borrowing money off friends to help with the rent, food, and other various household goods, I conceded defeat and contacted my father to request a large loan of money to pay off all my debts and my immediate future expenses.

There came a point where I couldn’t live on like this, and I thought, 'Enough is enough'. As Tony Robbins says, “You take action when encountered by either inspiration or desperation.” At that moment, I think I had reached quite possibly reached my breaking point of desperation.

I decided to go cold turkey on games completely.. and it's startling how much life has improved since then. Severing myself from my bad habits, and reconnecting with old mentors (like my family and best friends) .. building new aspirations, and getting back in shape has given me a whole new appreciation of life. I feel very much as if I've been given a second chance. It can be argued that although games do afford extreme loners a network of sociability (going by the ideal that something is better than nothing), when the effects of virtual contact begin to work on severing your perception of reality, the effects are undeniably damaging. Suffice to say, there will be many critics who compare this to the hype of TV being 'just the same'. Take it from a person who indulges in both. It's not.

One question I've been asked is "how do you give up games?" Virtually all my spare time was used on games, so when I decided to quit, I had to fill in a huge gap of my day. I used other hobbies such as exercise, reading, writing, and socialising face to face with friends to pull myself away from the security of identity that the virtual universe offered me. I believe one has to attain a real confidence before they can truly let go of games.
I've never even considered going back to those days. I have had alot of experiences in my life, but let it be known that I don't regret a single moment. For every mistake I made, I learnt something, and I dare say I'm wiser because of my trials.

2 comments:

negatron said...

I can remember 2005 as my low point. Just before you started working at the CR, was when I started my BF2 addiction. Much like you I skipped classes in animation (no wonder I only had 15-20 seconds of animation in the end). I would stay up all night playing the game, then sleep all day. Blow my spare money feeding my stats, instead of my girlfriend out for lunch. It is true, once it gets hold of you, you lose perception of reality and you lose all concept of what is actually happening. I was in denial whenever questioned by her. In the end (among other things that contributed) she left, and I was left alone. So I dove deeper as you do, when you're alone and misguided. It does have a sense of socialism to it compared to nothing, but thats only when you compare it to 'nothing'. In the end your stats go up, but overall happiness outside of the game goes down. Ever noticed gamers look sickly? Why they are hunched over and pale? That's because they're bloody tired man!! and their backs bloody sore man!! and they will never fall in love again as long as the games have them. I realize that you don't exactly have to give up games altogether. I play probably 10 hours a week as apposed to the 13 hours a day I was pulling. Some of use are lucky enough to get bored with a game. Some are dumb enough to buy another game after. I am a smart one (as smart as a gamer can be anyway). I never play single player games anymore (100% Truth), and I have cut down my hours considerably. I have a job now to keep me in check, now all i need is a lady friend and a more active lifestyle and I will be free. Have you ever thought 'What would a banana say if it was alive and granted a sentence in a time frame of 3 seconds?'. Gotta split. kikikikikik

Anonymous said...

- Meeting friends who weren’t any better off than me. <------ SO not true at all! or at least not completely true!

Kuo Sheng