Reminiscing phoenix

Once you know 'why', 'how' will follow.

I was going through my computer, and I dug up this journal entry which was quite of interest!

24/11/06 – Fri 9pm

So I’ve never been able to successfully keep a diary via writing it down, so I figured I’d give TYPING it out a go.

So far, my motivation is still here. Hasn’t faded in the slightest. Still feeling a bit conscience about my weight though.. hopefully this will change in the weeks to come. Haha lucas and Ashley didn’t make the fat complex any easier with their comments the other day…

“uncle tony, why are u so fat” . children. =.=

Anyway, wrote out my first few words of Chinese that I want to learn, and hopefully I can bloom my chinese-speaking abilities from here on.

Can’t let anyone beat me anymore.. gotta catch up. Do everything I can do, and do it better. I’m still wary that I’m going to lose this power hungry attitude I have any time now, but slowly that fear is dissipating.

I often wondered, and none more so than now, about my future. Who am I going to be? Can I possibly be as powerful, important, successful, and flawless as I am in my dreams? Am I really as talented as people believe I am?

Why is it that the one who’s always believed least in me has been myself, despite the amount of times I’ve disappointed those I’ve loved.

Mum told me to tell anyone who asks me, that I’ve also completed history in uni. She thinks it's a stain on my record that I left a degree half done. I only agreed to this because I understand her pov.. as a parent who WANTS to be proud of her child. I swear I’ll give her something to be proud of in time to come. Everything, from financial success, to moral strength, to physical achievements.

I have a strange feeling tonight.. as if anything is possible. I feel more powerful already.. and only because I’ve begun to put my supreme dreams into motion..

Fatima is far too ahead of me to catch anytime soon. But I can’t let her gain anymore distance from me, if I truly want to show it up to her what a mistake it was to stop believing in me. And all my opponents.. need to show them my true strength.. whatever it is.

Damn so hungry.. crazy parents.. so outgoing. Gone dancing and left their poor child at home.. *smile*

Oh well. Toodles.